Good things are about to happen.

small playful, experimental painting I made recently. watercolor (both commercially made and earth pigment watercolor that I made myself), oil pastel and hand stitching on handmade paper.  

"Today there is a lot on my mind. I met Rebecca Rebouché. I got to see Amber and Kerby and Clover is 7! & I got to talk to her about the painting. it was so fun. then There is the "Pandemic treaty." which is fucking scary. & France passed a law that makes it illegal to tell the truth about toxic products that are being almost forced into people's bodys bodies. Martha Beck & Ro had Karen on finally. & they talked about unconditional love. I love listening to them. I finished my indigo pieces things... trees can communicate & they have a consciousness. I'm finally home. I bought a book about the little people. are they really out there? Can I see them? 

What will I do next with my art? How will I do it? 

~~~ paint a portrait on the fabric. whose portrait? 

                                           Skylar.

                                        maybe. Why not.

                                                        Why not.

                                            the transformation of consciousness.

                    

                                7 plagues.

                                7 bowls.

                                7 beasts.

                                10 heads.

                              a prostitute.

                            cities destroyed to rubble.

                                      blood everywhere.

                                                   💙"

    That is what I wrote on the back of my painting in case you can't see it. :) It's just some things I'm thinking  about lately. I had a really beautiful and powerful week this past week. Today, as I'm writing this, is Tuesday. 

    Last Wednesday, exactly a week ago now, I headed out to Cherokee, NC, which is 2 hours from where I live. I wanted to make some friends. Matika Wilbur, on one of her podcast episodes from All My Relations podcast suggested that non-native people go out to their local native tribe and "make some friends." She said. That was just the permission I needed. I didn't really know that it was okay to do that or that people would want to be friends with me or how to do it, but I've been thinking about doing that and wanting to connect somehow for several months now, so I finally went and did it. I got there late. There is a coffee shop that is native owned called Qualla Java Cafe. I went there first. I got there a half hour before they closed. I planned to sleep in my car and then spend more time in Cherokee the next day. I went to a gas station and asked the young woman behind the counter, where she thought would be a good place to sleep in my car. She suggested the parking lot right by the sign that says "Welcome to the Cherokee Reservation" (It's not a reservation, but that's what the sign says). So I did that. I prayed that I would make some friends the next day. In the morning, I went to the Qualla Arts and Crafts Mutual Co-op and looked at all the beautiful baskets.

Then I went to buy some smudging sticks so that I can smudge myself and my house. When I asked the young man who worked at the Qualla Arts and Crafts Mutual Co-op where to buy smudge sticks, he told me right away to go to Medicine Man Crafts. But when I asked him some questions about making my own, he told me that the smudge sticks are for indigenous people who are part of a tribe and are using them in a spiritual way. I suddenly felt my face and my body get warm and I told him very sincerely that I was planning to use it for prayer. I looked around a bit more and as I was leaving, he told me that traditionally, the smudge sticks are placed in a shell. 

I felt confused because I have been involved in many situations where I was invited to participate in smudging. To be honest, I can't remember the exact context for some reason, even though usually my memory is really good. I do remember that it always felt like it was being done very respectfully by people who knew what they were doing and were either native or had been trained by native people. I've also been given smudge sticks. One was made by a friend (non-native, but who is very conscientious and aware of what they are and what she is doing). I was also given a braid of sweetgrass by a native person, which I burned on my own. I began to wonder, is it appropriation to use a smudge stick? I had never thought that it was before, not if you are doing it in a sincere prayerful way. I guess I started to doubt if I should get one and use it. I went to the medicine man crafts shop and looked around. I ended up buying a cedar smudge stick and I still have some questions. I will continue learning. It is important to me to be respectful.

Then I went to another place the young man recommended because his cousin owns it, he said. It was called Bearmeat.

I looked around but then went back to my car and just sat there looking through the Cherokee One Feather for ideas. Eventually, the man who owned the store, David, came out and asked if he could help me. I told him I wanted to make some friends. He said to hold on a second and then came back and suggested I go to a place called Traditional Hands. So I did and eventually, I was sitting on the front porch of a Cherokee man named General Grant. He and his wife, Ute facilitate sweat lodge ceremonies and they said that I was welcome to join. I made some friends!

Back up to when I was sitting in my car outside Bearmeat. I was scrolling through my instagram and I noticed Rebecca Rebouché's post. Rebecca Rebouché is an artist from New Orleans who I have been following for many years and I love her and her art. I got her newsletter about a week before where she announced that she made paintings for the backdrop of the Carolina Ballet in Raleigh, NC and she was going to be there for opening weekend. I remember thinking, oh man! Raleigh! I could go, that's really near me. But then I thought I had a pet sitting gig planned already for that date, so I actually didn't even look at my calendar to see if I could go. Then I saw her instagram post that said opening night was that very evening! I realized that I could actually go. It was a little late to try and go that night, but I realized that I could go the following night (Friday) and she would still be there. So I drove back to Asheville, got together with my friend Kris, and then drove back to my house in Bakersville. First I smudged my house and myself and then I sat at my computer and looked at tickets. Money has been really tight lately and Raleigh is a 4 hour drive away. I was thinking; am I really going to do this? That's a lot of driving and I just drove to Cherokee 2 hours there and 2 hours back. But then I just thought, you know, I'm just going to go for it. So I bought the tickets and went to bed. 

The next day as I considered leaving, I prayed, "Please help this be worth it." Not that seeing Rebecca Rebouché and her work would ever not be worth it, but I just wondered what the experience would be like and what if my car breaks down and what if the theater is so big and I'm in the balcony because that's all I can afford and what if I can't even really see anything and it's not like I'm going to get to meet her, I'm sure I won't. 

Those were the thoughts going through my head. But I went for it. I got in my car and drove all the way there and I felt so good the whole time. I don't do things like go to the ballet very often. I got a free parking spot and I went in and made it with plenty of time. The theater wasn't so huge that I couldn't see And it was just so exciting and delightful. I could see Rebecca down below and as I was walking out I passed her. I almost left because I didn't want to bother her or be annoying and I had actually walked out the door, but then I thought again. She didn't seem that busy. The crowd wasn't huge. So I went back inside and tapped her on the shoulder. I'm so glad I did. 

I felt so nervous and shy. That's just how I get sometimes. It's okay. I also don't love how I look in this picture/video, but some day I will get over it I'm sure.

As I was buying my ticket, back in Bakersville, the thought occurred to me that I have friends in the Raleigh area. So I was able to head over to their house after the ballet and it was so fun to see them! My friends are Amber and Kerby, who I used to live with in Asheville when I first got back from Ireland in 2016. 

When I lived with Amber and Kerby, Amber had just had a baby and she was breast feeding her at our house. I thought this was so beautiful, so I asked her if she would come into my studio and let me do a photoshoot of her while she was breastfeeding so that I could paint her portrait. She did and it turned out to be one of my favorite paintings. 

Amber and Clover painting made in 2016. Black walnut ink on cotton fabric.

Clover, her baby, is now 7! I got to talk with her about the painting. She had some very good questions. Did you have the door closed when you took this photo? Did she have pants on? Breastfeeding is embarrassing to do in public right? This last one was too complex a question than I had time for, but I would like to make a video where I talk a little more about this whole beautiful event, and the painting, and Clover's important questions. I really hope to do that.

Several months ago, I decided that I would like to have this painting professionally photographed so that I can make higher quality prints of it and I had already reached out to Kerby to ask him if I can borrow it sometime. It occurred to me while I was there that I could take it right then even though that wasn't the initial reason I drove out there. So I did.

I brought the painting into the print shop yesterday and I was told somewhat awkwardly that, basically, they haven't been making any money off of my business because all I ever do is come in to get paintings photographed and I never have prints made. This is true. I have not sold many prints in the past year. It just is what it is. I have been transitioning back into getting my artistic flow going again and it takes time. I've been getting paintings photographed in the hopes that I will eventually start selling prints again. They told me that they have adjusted their prices so that when I bring in a painting to be photographed, they will make money by also selling me a print instead of making me a proof. It's $225 for the photo of the painting and the print that I want. That's a lot. I went back to my car and immediately started brainstorming other options, which put me in touch with Josh Niven who makes prints from his home. He sent me his brochure and I realized that I know his wife from back when I had a studio in the Phil Mechanics Building. She had a studio in the basement where she made candles and she donated a bunch to a show of mine. 

I have a good feeling about this relationship and I'm hoping that I will start selling more prints in the near future. I have a feeling that I will. I can feel some good energy and momentum starting to build. Having prints made professionally is still a big learning curve for me. Some places charge so much to have the print made that I don't know how artists make money from selling that print, or how to sell it at a reasonable price. I guess this is just one of the many things that I am learning about being a professional artist.

It was really a very special and magical week though and the whole print shop thing ended up actually feeling like a good omen. Josh has much lower prices and I enjoyed talking with him on the phone. I like that I know his wife and it just feels like a better fit for me, which gives me this feeling that good things are about to happen.