Small sparks of inspiration

 Experimental photographs at Roan Mountain

This past year I have been focused on getting back into the flow I felt when I left my active art making studio time to move out to New Mexico for Art Therapy school at the very beginning of 2019. It has felt messy. 

Something in me knows that it will take time and that it just cannot be rushed. I have also had a lot of paralyzing fear, that inner voice that says really mean things like, "You're never gonna get back into your art again. All that magic is over now. You're just gonna feel lost for the rest of your life." I've tried lots of different tools to work with this voice over the past year. 

Praying is one of the most powerful things I know to do. It's the most effective thing I have experienced in my life.  I have prayed a lot about this, as I always do about everything. The answer I have heard over and over and over again is simply, "Be Still." Which can become quite frustrating. 

But what I feel has helped is just allowing that part of myself to be there, and holding space for it within me.

Slowly, I have noticed the fear giving way to inspiration. Here and there I've noticed sparks of excitement as I encounter images, people, and ideas I feel inspired by and want to try.

These are pictures of me out at Roan Mountain, which is about a half hour from my home. I took them about a week ago. It was so beautiful and mossy there and I am thinking about doing another photoshoot or video there sometime soon just for fun with a beautiful dress I found at the Goodwill bins. Just because to experiment and play. 

Something I have noticed about my creative process is that it can be quite messy and clunky at first. I don't know if others feel this way. I think that we are all so different. That has really been something I feel I've woken up to over the last few years, the wide variety and uniqueness of every human being.  

I think that some people are very organized about their creative process and they just dive in and start creating beautiful things right away.  One of my favorite artists and friends, Amber Jensen, told me once that she freezes up if she feels rushed. She said her mother taught her to "take the time to do things right." I think about this often.  I think it can be helpful for me to remember this, but I've also noticed that if I am afraid to do things messily or create things that don't look good, I tend to never do them at all. My inner perfectionist takes over and stops me in my tracks. Often, the best thing for me to do is to just dive in and then adjust as I go and embrace the process. 

Like this blog post! I don't know if these pictures really go with what I'm writing about, but this is an example. I took these pictures as an experiment the other day and I want to start just trying things as far as videos and blog posts go.  I have lots of ideas.

I'd like to create an inspiration "collage" on my wall with all the images of people and ideas that I am feeling inspired by lately. When I think back, I have done this consistently over the years in various spaces that I've created art in and it has always been helpful. 

For me, it's a combination of artists and healers. I'll post a picture soon once I get it up on my wall. I sometimes feel that vision boards or inspiration collages are like a visual prayer. It's like saying: "This is what I'm going for! This is what I want!"

I hope that whomever reads this feels inspired to create their own visual prayers too, and I pray that your deepest longings and hopes and dreams will be answered in exactly the way you most need them to be. 

Love,

Suzanne.

suzannejoyteune.com