Recurring dreams in Ireland while being estranged from my mother.

    Okay, so this is my first attempt at making a process video. I think it needs more music. I'm learning. I would like to make lots. I'm excited. I feel determined to make this work. I worked on this video all day yesterday and put it out there and I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in a long long time. Something about doing what I really want to be doing changes everything. 

We live in such a backwards world (or culture really), where people feel the need for so much material wealth that they are willing to do something they hate for it. I know that is an extreme way of looking at the cultural situation, but I actually think it captures many people's experiences. I guess this is just something I think about a lot.
Anyways, this video is about the painting I recently made of my friend Chelsea, but it is also just me talking a little bit about my art and life and my art making process. I feel like this is a decent but with room for improvement beginning to making videos. I'm excited to learn more and get better at it.
Something I've been discovering lately is this: I have a strong tendency to get jealous when I admire someone. This has happened with many people. It's a weird phenomenon. It begins with admiration and feeling inspired and then it morphs into comparison and I end up feeling bad about myself. I spent some time with that part of me that feels this way and I learned from her that it's like I leave my own Qi when I do this. It's like I am off lost in someone else's life and there is no one home inside myself to listen to and hear my own inner whispers. I loose myself in other people. It's like I have a beautiful daughter, but I also really like the neighbor's daughter, so I go over to the neighbor's house and spend time with her daughter instead of my own and I leave my own daughter at home by herself. Obviously, this is abusive and neglectful and this is what it feels like inside myself when I do this. It's like self abuse and neglect. Anyways, I feel like I am learning a lot from this and am taking the time to be with the part of myself that has this tendency. 
It is easy to loose ourselves in other people. It is so important to stay in our own Qi (life force). I read this passage in the book, The Prophet lately that I feel captures this: 

Then Almitra spoke again and said...
"And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:

You were born together,
and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when the white wings
of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the
silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between
the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together.
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress
grow not in each other's shadow.